The journey to dedication

Sometimes, I really try to write something grand and distant.
But I can’t – I can only write when something is in my heart at that moment. The posts from my head never turn out quite as good.

Over the last few months I have been wrestling with the idea of God’s goodness. There is so much that can seem not good about life. Pain I have experienced or dark places where it seems He hasn’t shown up. It can feel like God’s sovereignty is out to get me. That His plan for my life always points towards breaking & molding. That His good plan will always include my pain.

This little girl changes everything.
Everything.  

Yesterday I ran into several stories (in books and online) that happened to talk about the deaths of babies. One was in a memoir I started reading about Rwanda, the other on a blog that I can’t read without loving Christ more. Both of the times I read these accounts, my throat ached.
In a few months, my darling husband and I will stand in front of people I love and we will dedicate our little one to the Lord.

We will tell Him, “We give her to You.”
But when I read accounts of the unthinkable – my heart doubts.
My pain is one thing…but my darling little girl?

I was talking with my own mother a few weeks ago about this.
“The real question”, she said, “is a question of trust.”

Ah, yes. That’s it – do I trust Him?
With my life. With my journey. With my husband and our calling.
With my darling daughter.

Do you see why this question is crucial?  Because when I stand up to dedicate my little girl to the Lord, I want to have really wrestled through what I am doing. I want to really say to Him, “I trust You. I trust Your goodness. She is Yours.”

What about you? Where are you wrestling right now? I pray that You do, in fact, wrestle. And that you come out on the other side with a deeper and truer theology that can stand the test of time.

On a journey,
~ Melissa

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