Thoughts on the coming of a child

I am almost 39 weeks pregnant with our second born. I cannot wait to meet her!
I have been thinking this morning about the process of birth; what it
means to me as a mom and woman, and the amazing picture it is of
things so much larger and bigger and mysterious that I hesitate to
tread on that holy ground.
This time has already been so different than my first. With little
girl my water broke at 38+4 and I had to be induced because my labor
didn’t start quick enough. I had so desperately wanted a
medication-free birth, and pretty much everything that happened in
that story was 180 degrees from what I had hoped and even prayed for.

So here I am preparing for the second. I am having braxton hicks and
lower back pain and nausea and all the things I never had with the
first. Including the ultra-long days and the constant feeling of “is
this it? Am I starting?” In that way I feel like a first-time mom.
What I find the most interesting, however, is my feelings regarding
the process my heart and body are about to undergo.

With the first, I had very specific wishes and dreams. When they
didn’t happen, I was sucked into a vortex of “why?”. With this little
one, I find myself full of hopes and dreams still, but clinging to
them a little looser this time around. With the first one I was
nervous about the pain – would I be able to handle it? This time I
haven’t even thought that much about it, and when I do, I am much less
worried. With the first I thought that a medication-free labor was the
“best” way and I probably looked down on anyone who would choose
otherwise (just in my head, of course). With this one, I find myself
saying things like “Each woman’s story is her own and is precious.”

So what happened?

This little girl. My amazing first-born.
I realized the incredible value and precious gift of a child. And
suddenly birth became a whole lot less about me and a whole
lot more about this precious baby. I cling less loosely to my hopes
and plans for birth because whatever happens, I know the value of that
little life. So yes, I will probably be more willing to consider medical
intervention because it’s not about me. With this one I am not nearly
as concerned about the pain because I know the “joy that is set before
me”. I know the moment when I see that little one and fall completely
in love. It’s worth it.

And really, isn’t that just a picture of exactly how our lives are
molded, fashioned and “birthed” in the  Kingdom? We have our picture
of what we want, or how we want our process to look, or what we want
our timing to be. But it so rarely looks like that, doesn’t it? We
have ideas in our head of what the “right way” is for a process to
happen, but then we experience something so divinely different we just
have to throw up our hands in surrender and say “Your will be done.”

And at the end of the day we realize that every person’s process is
imperfect. Broken. Personal. Full of disappointments and joys. But
that the end result, “when we see Him, we shall be like Him”, is
worth the journey. The prize is so much greater than the
process. So we endure the process, we embrace the journey for the joy
set before us. We don’t despise someone else’s journey, we don’t
dangerously compare ourselves amongst ourselves. We accept whatever
cup we are asked to drink, even if it means that we drink from one we
didn’t ask for, or even want.

The funny thing about what I am facing with my second-born is that in
some ways I am embracing a more unusual journey. My incredible husband
has allowed us to pursue a home birth. We have an incredible midwife &
wonderful team that will help. I am excited to once again attempt a
medication-free birth. But, more than anything, I can’t wait to meet
my baby girl. To hold her in my arms and fall in love. She is worth
whatever it takes.

I pray that I will always be a woman
whose words and heart are full of grace for anyone else’s journey. For the
unexpected that someone else might face.
And that, my friends, is my thoughts on the coming of a child, and (in some small way) the coming of age of our hearts.

Still in the journey,
~ Melissa


4 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by rebekah on June 5, 2012 at 10:01 pm

    melissa, loved reading this…so timely for me! (yes, single, not-pregnant me!!)


  2. Posted by Angie Chavangi on June 6, 2012 at 12:10 am

    wow…wow…I love reading your blogs…they really bless my heart. We’ll be praying for you and your home birth. I am enjoying reading your journey as i reflect on mine.
    Blessing Angie (Nairobi)


  3. Posted by Krichele on June 6, 2012 at 5:27 pm

    Home birth! I didn’t know! Will be praying for you as you embark on this journey! Looking forward to meeting your second baby girl 🙂


  4. Posted by Selam on June 7, 2012 at 5:17 am

    May the Lord grant your hearts desire. Have a wonderful time as you receive your Joy whatever method you choose the Lord will honor you. Bless you dear .
    Selam ( Kenya)


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